The way God made me

Sometime we are thankful for the way God made each of us different, other times we are fretcul because of our differences. Well this holiday weekend, I kind of feel into the second part of that. God has always given me somekinf od warning when something heavy is about to happen. sometime it is as simple as a heaviness coming over me, that I can't shake. That heaviness came over me this past Wednesday night. And as I foolishly do at times, I tried to figure out what it was about only to through myself into a nit of depression that night. Thanksgiving actually turned out really well. My oldest son and his friend still cane over. My friend that had to cancel on me, stopped by on her way home that night. My sister and I chatted through texting. and some one even sent a Thanksfiving text to my old cell, which has service time left, but no minutes(still haven't figure out who that one was). I also tried a few new recipes this yr. One with the turkey, which turned out excellent, as the turkey was really juicy and the meat so tender that it was all but falling off the bones. the other was a new sweet potatoes recipe, that...well didn't turn out so well....but hey it was still edible.
On Friday, I got to talk with my local friend, that just the best at accepting me right where I am :-) I thought we were going to be spending some time together that day, but plans got changed. and that was ok though cause we can talk on the phone as well as we can in person :-) So things were going good over all, but thatheavy feeling was still there.
I then thougt perhaps it was because of the ladies Christnas luncheaon that I would miss. As often is the case with me, much of what my church does with the women is each a cash thing that I can't afford at that time and or doesn't allow children, then I can't cause I am single parent ans still have an 8 yr old in my home. So coming into this Christmas, God has lead me to let God coose what we get, as in let God send to me that what he wants my family to have this yr....trusting God. so in this I can let my need be known, but not to expecting anything as if it is God's will for us this Christmas, it will happen, if not then it won't and accepting that peacefully. So this women's lucneon, I did want to fo to, as there isn't much that I get to do with the women of our church. so I simply let my need be known. Then I took a drive to Eatonville(ok, those who know me well knows I wouldn't just do anything, I had something I needed to get done anyway).  and well there was still snow and ice around, especially on the outskirts of town. and this luncheon was at a family's home that is in the country. so God knows that I won't chance driving on icy roads. so I get back home and an offer was made to watch my 6 yrold, but the other poece of someone giving me a ride to this person's home, never came through....God's answer, I wasn't meabt to be there. and I am truly ok with that. as Christmas comes in many ways and these women connect with me , even if I can't make group things. So that heavy feeling still would not go away.
Then this morning my 18 yr old text me about wanting me to get her cookie dough so she could make cookies for her boyfriend. I told her no, because she soesn't live in my home, because she has money to buy a new cell, most likely means she got her back pay from ssdi from her dad, so she should have money to fet cookie dough, and because she choose not to spend thanksgiving with her family, but instead spent it with her friends family. She tried to drama it, but I simply said coversation over no respect, no comversation. and then that heaviness finally left me.
Now at first looking back, I said God why do you do this with me. (fretting about the way God made me) but then I got it. God knows that when he gives me hints to the future, too often I try to figure them out on my own, instead of just trusting God....and truth is that for weeks now God has been growing me in simplifying and not walking into suffering, and this fits perfectly into that. often when my 18 yr old and I struggle, it is because I have allowed her to pull me into her drama, this time I didn't ......I didn't walk into suffering.  And I an thankful for the way God made me :-)