Why so we always..........if we know better.

 I have been thinking today, as it looks like I won't make it to church this Sunday, cause perdiction for snow to start is around noon(and snow the rest of the day and into monday) and I won't chances driving in the snow. Now any one who knows me , know that I really do want to be there,even God knows that. So off and on a little I been feeling abit guilty about not going. Then today it clicked.

Not long ago, a friend of mine was talking with me about another that has quit drugs, but still has the addict behavior. I know this is true that in the begining of stopping drugs, there is still much more that needs to heal, but thank God the biggest step has been taken...no more drugs. A short time after that she was showing a few time of herself when she couldn't do what she wanted to do and feeling guilty about it. The second time, I simply told her that is addict behavior. I said an addict trys to hide what they are doing, and in that trys to come off perfect to the world. But it is ok, that we aren't perferct. God doesn't expect us to be perfect.

Another friend recently told me that she will be out of town for a couple of weeks and will miss church and  church activities and that if she doesn't go church where she is traveling to that will mess with her and my thought was, I remember being that way in the past. til God grew me to know in my heart and mind that God is everywhere and with me always, even if at times I cant be connected with a church.

So now back to me, in past yrs I would drive in any kind of weather, because I was big on keeping my word and or committment to anything that I had given it to, both spoken and unspoken. Then at times would find myself just miserable because of the dangerous driving. Most recent of that was one night when I had went to CR. God had told me not to go that night, but I went anyway. Nothing out of the ordinary happen on the way there or while I was at CR, but on the way home it was raining really really hard and most of my driving that is in between two towns where their is next to no street lights, and many curves and hills. I was miserable and totaly wiped out by the time I got home.  Looking back now, if I would have just listen to God, I wouldn't have suffered.

So me not going to church tomorrow, I am no longer feeling guilty about that. I rarely miss and really want to be there, but God who knows me better then I know myself is making it that I don't go. Because God also knows how I will re-act to things.  And God who is in control of everything is showing me that there is still a chance of snow. so I choose to to not take a chance of suffering, and will God willing see my church family on Tuesday Wedbesday and next Sunday.

In short, learing more and more each day, not to walk into suffering :-)