Does it seem at times that God is taking us down the same road again and again? That is where I have kind of been stuck recently. Not long ago I got in touch with a child(now a young adult) of a friend of mine from when I was a young adult. Now the child and I have been talking off and on for the past couple or weeks. The mom( my friend) has decided not to have contact with me. no reason given. If this was the first time something like this happened to me, it would make sence where my mind went upon hearing this news(my mind said what did or have I done wrong), but truth is this is not the first time. I have been through this experience atleast 3 times before. First time, he(friend) came back to me after about 6 months. That time my life had changed so much, that I couldn't chance being friends with him again (how I regret that choice)
Second time it happened, it was a whole family, and I struggled deeply for months over this one. But adventually was able to give the heartache up to God and though I thought of them often and longed for the contact again. the heartache went away and all that was left as a struggle was never trusting to get close to anyone again. Well, God had other plans. Before this family came back into my life, God did bring others into my life that not only became a close friend, but would be the third to walk out of my life...no reason given. Any way, the family after like 2 yrs, is back in my life again :-). The third was a friend that had touched my heart deeper then anyone had ever before, that is how strong my heart grew to trust him(friend) and God used that to grow my heart. Then one day, no more contact....no reason given. This time however, I didn't "stalk" to try to re-connect(as I did with the first), I didn't go to heart ache and shut down trust(as I did with the second), but I still did wonder why and very ocassionally tried to get back in contact with him. Through this one, others in my life taught me that when something like this happens, that it is not necessarily about me. And that sometime people are only in our life for a season(though I never really accepted that because I know that when people are connected at the heart of God, they are never really gone) and I also grew stronger in that everything happens in God's timing and for God's reason. This friend has very recently gotten back in touch with me after like a yr and a half.
Now, God has blessed me deeply with reconnecting with people from my past, with the exception of two friends that were near and dear to my heart in my late teen/early adult yrs. One, Is not on computer, but I recently discovered her address and will write to her soon. The other is the one that has said she wants no contact with me.....no reason given. So I did for a moment go again to what did or have I done wrong, but only for a moment, as I know not what her life is these days, and until I know different, I have no reason to assume it is me, the reason. I am not at heart ache and I am not stalking her and I know if we are to be in contact again that it will be in God's timimg. However, my heart is still sad about this and because I am in contact with her daughter, I don't know how to respond to this and I can't at this point figure out what God wants me to learn from this. All I really know is at this point I am starting to kind of get tired of going through this process over and over again. I guess all I can do at this point is pray.....prayer is definately for those time when there seems to be no answers.
Monday, October 25, 2010
Thursday, October 21, 2010
When Blessings flow
For like a yr my life has seemed to meet one struggle after another, anywahere from family and friends to finances. Bow the blessings seem to be come forth as even in the rough time my trust faith and hoperemained in God.
The month started off by finding out that I will receive child support for my kids. that has been al,ost 7 yrs in the making. Then I find out that my section rent has finally went back to the 30 % of my income that it should be, with it dating back two months, thus making Nov rent really cheap. Last night I just found out that my income will increase yet again in Nov. This increase is only $73 dollars, but to me it is as if God is saying it is done. Why? because I knew coming into this month that I would have to go back to paying my insurance on van on a monthly bases. And though I finally eliminated my storage bill, it would not be enough of a difference to cover the insurance, without taking money from another bill. My prayer was simply, God please help trust that you will find a way that all my bills can be covered. This last increase is just slightly more then what my insurance cost. which is totally awesome, but because of the child support and decrease in rent, God has given me even more them I prayed for :-)
The other part is family. I have prayed a long time for my family to be whole again. For awhile things just seem to be happening that my family was pulled more and more apart, but I still kept praying both for indivisaul family members and my family as a whole. Now, my oldest son has return to church, and with the power of God cause as he says, people will not stop him this time. he is doing what the church requires and he even told me last night that he is all but quit drinking(which is really huge for him) and is no longer partying :-) Plus the bonus on this is that more and more of his friends are wanting to come to church :-)
My miffle son had to move over 2000 miles away from me this past February and it broke my heart, as he was only 15 then, and it was the first time ever that one of my kids would be so far away from me. But thos child of mine there is never a doubt that he will keep in touch with me and so we did often keep intouch, but still wasn't the same as him being here. Last night I officaily found out that he is coming back to WA in two weeks. God's way :-) and I can't wait to see hom again, but wonder alittle if locally the rejoice of this will only be with me and my family.
And last but not least, my kids dad, my husband......God has plans in the making on this part to,however on this one, I can't yet let the cat out of the bag just yet, other then to say in May 2011 will be 7 yrs that I have been in WA, and when that time gets here, my family will be so differnt then when I first stepped foot in WA :-)
The month started off by finding out that I will receive child support for my kids. that has been al,ost 7 yrs in the making. Then I find out that my section rent has finally went back to the 30 % of my income that it should be, with it dating back two months, thus making Nov rent really cheap. Last night I just found out that my income will increase yet again in Nov. This increase is only $73 dollars, but to me it is as if God is saying it is done. Why? because I knew coming into this month that I would have to go back to paying my insurance on van on a monthly bases. And though I finally eliminated my storage bill, it would not be enough of a difference to cover the insurance, without taking money from another bill. My prayer was simply, God please help trust that you will find a way that all my bills can be covered. This last increase is just slightly more then what my insurance cost. which is totally awesome, but because of the child support and decrease in rent, God has given me even more them I prayed for :-)
The other part is family. I have prayed a long time for my family to be whole again. For awhile things just seem to be happening that my family was pulled more and more apart, but I still kept praying both for indivisaul family members and my family as a whole. Now, my oldest son has return to church, and with the power of God cause as he says, people will not stop him this time. he is doing what the church requires and he even told me last night that he is all but quit drinking(which is really huge for him) and is no longer partying :-) Plus the bonus on this is that more and more of his friends are wanting to come to church :-)
My miffle son had to move over 2000 miles away from me this past February and it broke my heart, as he was only 15 then, and it was the first time ever that one of my kids would be so far away from me. But thos child of mine there is never a doubt that he will keep in touch with me and so we did often keep intouch, but still wasn't the same as him being here. Last night I officaily found out that he is coming back to WA in two weeks. God's way :-) and I can't wait to see hom again, but wonder alittle if locally the rejoice of this will only be with me and my family.
And last but not least, my kids dad, my husband......God has plans in the making on this part to,however on this one, I can't yet let the cat out of the bag just yet, other then to say in May 2011 will be 7 yrs that I have been in WA, and when that time gets here, my family will be so differnt then when I first stepped foot in WA :-)
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Faith
. God has been growing me in faith. for a while now God has been growing me that once i pray for something to trust God with it and not come back and pray for the same thing again and again. so I pray once and wait to see what God is gonna do and each time God has answered my prayer, sometimes months later, sometimes only a few days later. point is I only have to pray about it once if I trust God hears me and will answer.Part two has been calling things as if they already were, ...even before they happen. and this has been the most recent growth of faith in me. God tells me in breif something will happen. I then tell others( as well as myself) that it will happen. Though the road getting there may seem a little bumpy at times, I never loose sight of what God told me will happen and in the end in the end, it also does happen, just like God told me in the begining :-)
This in part relates to my oldest son coming back to church. about a yr ago he had walked away from the church, vowing never to come back again. God told me it was time for his return. I was overjoyed and nervse, as things were so rocky when he had left. However no matter what has happened this time, he is still determined to go to church. That is the power of God. At this point my son is going to church for God and not people and that is so huge in a christain walk.
This in part relates to my oldest son coming back to church. about a yr ago he had walked away from the church, vowing never to come back again. God told me it was time for his return. I was overjoyed and nervse, as things were so rocky when he had left. However no matter what has happened this time, he is still determined to go to church. That is the power of God. At this point my son is going to church for God and not people and that is so huge in a christain walk.
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